There is a little boy I teach, whom we will call Jacob. He has severe anxiety, ADHD, ADD, among other learning disabilities. Jacob comes into nearly every art class fussing and grouchy. He has trouble making friends, a difficult time following directions and being quiet and respectful in class, and strays from most social norms. Jacob is exceptionally small, even for a first grader. He wears pants far too big for him that often fall down, his older sister's hand-me-down boots, and short t-shirts. Already, Jacob feels out of place. The other kids are, from what I have observed, very kind to Jacob, but he is cold towards them, and though little children have a large capacity to love and forgive, kids also have trouble being patient with one another- especially when the behavior is negative and recurring. I noticed that Jacob does not respond well to attention from the teacher- for example, Jacob will be very disruptive, but when publicly called upon, Jacob will act out and become even more frustrated than he previously was. Jacob is more prone to tantrums when he is called out. He will hide under tables and bother other students.  I determined that I would help Jacob when he is struggling in class by reaching out to him specifically and privately. I began to sit by him in class in the hopes that he would be quieter with a teacher by him. He responded, but not how I thought he would. He was not quieter in terms of how much he was talking- in fact, Jacob was talking quite a bit more than usual. But I noticed that he was not just talking, but was instead speaking to me. He asked me questions and made comments specifically in regards to the project of the day. Jacob was involved. After instruction was given, the children all left the front of the room on the floor for the community tables in the back. Almost instantly after the kids were excused to grab supplies and head to the tables, did Jacob begin to fuss again. I had left to hand out scissors, and was helping some of the other students. Jacob ran to the corner of the room and began to break crayons beneath a desk. I finished passing out materials and walked over to Jacob in the corner to ask him what was wrong. He hissed at me (yes- he hissed) and continued to break the crayons. I explained to him that he could not take materials that were meant for the class and ruin them. He said he did not care if the other kids wanted them, because he wasn't friends with them anyways. Jacob is very distant with the other students. The kids I teach are all, for the most part, very friendly and kind to all their fellow classmates, even when kids like Jacob have trouble behaving in a socially normal manner. But, again, as noted previously, kids are forgiving, but often impatient. I observed Jacob with the other students and saw that he was not friendly, nor did he even try to make friends with the other kids in the slightest.
When the project was started and Jacob and the other kids started working, Jacob sat at a table all alone. Other kids began to sit by him, but he pushed their papers and scissors away from him, shouting that he did not want them there, and that they were taking up too much space. I sat next to him, instead. "Mrs. Darby, I don't need any help!" He was more polite and respectful to me, but I do not believe that this was because I was his teacher, but rather because I had made an effort to talk to him and "be his friend" before class had begun. He was blatantly disrespectful to his homeroom teacher. It was hard for teachers to make accommodation after accommodation for students like Jacob; he does not express gratitude when he is helped, he demands attention, he fights with other kids, and he yells at the teacher. It is hard for a teacher to give a specific child special attention all the time, especially when the behavior of the child does not improve. I noticed though, that it seemed like  Jacob needed a friend more than an adult to tell him things. I sat by him and talked to him all class. Rather than critiquing him or giving him advice in regards to his project, I instead just talked to him as another student. When he needed help, he would ask for it. But, for the most part, he just needed a friend.